*Warning spoiler alert*
Where do I begin? I remember watching this movie in middle school and thinking it was pretty funny. Killer Klowns is your typical 80′s, low budget, horror movie… horrible acting and inpracticle actions! I mean this is the only movie I have seen where a cop watchs a a guy cross the street, in front of his patrol car, drinking a tasty beverage (a plain white can labeled “BEER”) and all he does is call him a bastard. The next time you see our cranky, badged hero, he is bringing in two different college students for open container violations. Talk about double standards!
So what is this movie about you ask? Killer Klowns stupid, its in the title, duh. Ok, ok on a more in depth look… Our main characters are making out “on top of the world,” which is where all the teenagers go to do that thing that gets you killed in horror movies. Lucky for our two characters, they see a comet before their clothes come off. Whew, I thought they were going to die in this movie. Needless to say all the others “on top of the world” do die (see the “Adult Fairy Tales” blog. Section? Premarital sex will get you killed!) This comet turns out to be a spaceship. A spaceship that just so happens to look like a circus tent. Inside, the Klowns (I know its spelled wrong, but that’s how its titled), store their victims in cotton candy cocoons, where they can pop a straw in for a zesty drink whenever they get thirsty.
Let’s dive into some of the unbelievable things that happen. Our cranky officer, Mooney, is unbelieving of our hero’s killer clown story. He thinks its a practical joke. The other cop indulges and investigates. When the whole town calls in with reports of clowns killing people, don’t you think it should at least be looked into? No. Even when the other officer reports about whats going on, Mooney believes that the whole town is playing a prank.
Don’t bother running in this movie, because its only a few paces faster than a walk. Our hero’s run from the Klowns in the space ship, and amazingly escape from getting shot with popcorn (This is no ordinary popcorn!) The cars are the same way. Each time they crash, they seem to be slow to a 3 mph “holy shit” factor, just before crashing (or stopping) without any damage.
Let us not forget the two brothers that are best friends with our main hero. They are first seen “on top of the world” trying to sell ice cream to all the local horn dogs trying to get their game on. That was an epic fail. These guys couldn’t even score with the two fat chicks they had tagging along in the back of their ice cream truck. Later, our hero runs to them for help. With everything that is going on (you know, people being in danger, dying and stuff), Tweedledee and Tweedledum only seem to be concerned with selling ice cream and chicks with big boobs… or even better, big boobed ice cream eating chicks!!
But don’t let this turn you away!! If you are able to bring yourself to enjoy “B” rated movies, then this one is definitely a classic. The Klowns look a little weird in the movie, but with a cool, can’t turn away feel. I mean, what clown doesn’t have that? These don’t look like your normal clowns however. They look like monsters, but somehow everyone seems to be caught off guard when they find out they are about to be eaten! Some of the Klown’s tricks are pretty cool though. A few scenes that I enjoy are when a biker breaks a Klown’s bike and the animal shadow puppets! After the Klown with the bike becomes sad over it being broken, he quickly jumps off scene, and then right back in dawning a pair of boxing gloves. He then proceeds to knock the biker’s head right off his shoulders! My absolute favorite scene, however, is when a Klown is doing shadow puppets (He has some pretty talented hands!). After entertaining a group waiting for a bus, with impossible shadow puppets, he turns the shadow puppet into a t-rex and eats them! How cool is that!
The movie does a great job at capturing how evil clowns really are, and stays true to how goofy they can be to lure you to your doom. Even in killing these magical, man eating, monsters (shooting their nose), it leaves you with a burst of confetti. Overall I rate this 2 1/2 pumpkins as a movie. However, I am still entertained enough by the movie that I bought it for my collection. This movie was intentionally made to be goofy and low budget. I recommend watching it at least once. Keep an open mind if you are not into lower budgeted movies, but watch it with a friend. It is one of those movies that is way more fun to watch if you have a group making fun of it with you. Whatever you do though, don’t eat the cotton candy! It may be your neighbor!
- The Pumpkin King